Save us, save me.

2009-12-26T13:33:00.001+08:00

2009-12-26T13:28:00.002+08:00

2009-12-24T11:42:00.003+08:00

maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return.

2009-12-23T14:31:00.002+08:00

i've created my own formspring out of boredom.

ask me anything, anything at all -

Feelings/Thoughts/Comments/Advices

http://formspring.me/featherein

339/

2009-11-14T22:48:00.001+08:00

temporarily moved to,

http://featherein.tumblr.com

338/

2009-11-14T21:29:00.005+08:00

had a great day with haniz <3

" eh mane peter sia...."

337/

2009-11-14T10:34:00.002+08:00

( via papertissue )

336/

2009-11-14T10:32:00.004+08:00

( via papertissue )

335/

2009-11-14T10:32:00.002+08:00

( via ache )

334/

2009-11-14T10:31:00.000+08:00

( via papertissue )

333/

2009-11-14T00:59:00.002+08:00

its 1 : 02 am right here right now...

so what's there to update?

oh yeah i dyed my hair yesterday, bought a blazer ( which looks more like a jacket on me instead of a blazer ), i created my own DIY tanktop, and i did something to my cotton on pants ( pfft yeah i know cotton on lol ) and it looks... not like any cotton on at all!

met up with him today to visit him since he's down with a fever. i whipped up macaroni and cheese for him to eat around noon and bought cooling water. went up to his crib and took care of him like a baby. touched his forehead and it was burning. was searching for a towel like hell in the kitchen. then he stood there infront holding up the towel and i got freaking shocked.

he went back to lie down while i get the towel damped and placed it onto his forehead. poured for him water, brought the drink to his mouth, made sure he had medication and his meal. companied him by staying by his side for awhile.

now i feel like a mother already what in the world..

and as for you, i hpe you'd feel better the next morning alright. drink lots of plain water and get your god damned bath before your temperature rises again. don't be stubborn already. eat your meals and medication regularly and have enough rest. don't go out till you're fully recovered alright. take good care of yourself.

so then im off to meet asy at orchard, it was 6 by then, real sorry. went to the rooftop and hell yeah it was one hell of a a sight. i don't know hot to describe it but it somehow captivates me.. alot. definitely going to get some shots done up there. afterwhich we headed ovr to dhoby ghaut, walked around, sat down and talked. went back home at 9 and reached home at ten plus..

and yeah thats what happened today.

tried calling him 3 times already, i guess hes asleep.

hmm...

* crickets *

okay i'm dne.

332/

2009-11-13T10:54:00.001+08:00

AWWWW SO CUTE

331/

2009-11-13T09:43:00.003+08:00

how nice to start a day...

early in the morning with short love clips and a cup of milo.

heaven.

330/

2009-11-12T22:41:00.001+08:00

i can't seem to trust you because maybe..

i am just not sure of you.

329/

2009-11-11T19:33:00.001+08:00

328/

2009-11-11T14:17:00.004+08:00

after careful thinking,

i think i might know why my heart is starting to beat ever so slowly.

327/

2009-11-10T15:38:00.004+08:00

" if you'll be my star, i'll be your sky. you can hide underneath me and come out at night. When i turn jet-black and you show off your light, i live to let you shine. "

( via electrifymylife )

326/

2009-11-10T15:26:00.003+08:00

CAN I HAVE A KITTEN NOW

DAMN IT

325/

2009-11-10T09:31:00.003+08:00

OH MY GOD.

i had the weirdest dream last night..

that scared the shit out of me,

literally.

324/

2009-11-09T17:33:00.003+08:00

i just got home and i am fucking not in the mood. one minute im okay and the other im just not. im tired and i cant sleep. im moody and i feel like throwing everything i see.

gee my moodswings are pretty bad this time.

URGH I FUCKING HATE THIS

323/

2009-11-09T09:48:00.002+08:00

( via loveyourchaos)

312/

2009-11-09T09:47:00.001+08:00

( via loveyourchaos)

321/

2009-11-09T09:46:00.001+08:00

( via loveyourchaos)

320/

2009-11-09T09:39:00.003+08:00

( via finemess )

319/

2009-11-09T09:36:00.003+08:00

( via followandreblog )

318/

2009-11-08T19:44:00.001+08:00

( via fuckyeahhlove )

317/ i missed you

2009-11-08T19:38:00.002+08:00

i dessim uoy.

316/

2009-11-08T19:08:00.004+08:00

( more pictures over at FB )

hi and i am here to blog once again with my everyday journey in life..

journey in life my ass.

yesterday i went over to love's to surprise him with food and a card made by myself. so i left it outside his door and called him up to say : open your door. then he will be so shocked yet happy at the same time. was on the way to mrt already when he called me up and asked me to slack over his crib. since fadilah and suz was still at home getting ready, so yeah why not. watched heroes and watched band and his skate videos. slacked till 3 in the afternoon and we parted at the mrt with a hug. he took the train to marina bay and i was taking the train towards jurong east.

ah then this one the damn idiotic part.

i took the train to jurong east, then i alighted at woodlands because i didn't see any chinese garden. so i took train opposite and went back to sembawang. then i alighted once more to have a look at the map. i didn't know where to alight to go to chinese garden, so i figured out i might as well alight at city hall int. and so yeah i did. i took the train towards marina bay, then this time i alighted at dhoby ghaut. when i got out of the train i cursed myself because i told myself to alight down at dhoby ghaut. then i went to see the map, a stop after jurong east is chinese garden. FML. it's okay, it's okay. i went up the stairs thinking there was any east green line or something then i ended up in the harbourfront/punggol area. then i go so confused i took a look around and told myself ; what the fuck are you doing. and so i made my way back to the same place i was. took the train to city hall and alighted there. now, being a dumb idiot i am, i took the train opposite. i was so glad i was already in the right train... NOT. when i was in the train, i looked at the map and it was going back to pasir ris. i only realised it when i was in lavender. FML. then i went out and took the train opposite. i don't know what on earth was in my mind then.

._.

after which, i met them both at chinese garden and began our photoshoot.

( photos are in FB )

left the place around 7 and reached home at 9.

and now, for today's journey.

i woke up feeling so lethargic today, maybe i walked too much yesterday. from the train trips to photoshoots, the journey from chinese garden to my home. god my legs are killing me. followed my dad to their workplace because i wanted to see their new jeans collection. since i'm in need of new jeans... figured out i should just take some from the shop itself. made our way there and got myself a new pair of jeans, one new shorts, top and necklace.

this week i spent a whole lot of money. i bought new earrings, 3 tops, one shorts, bangles, 2 new jeans, one new pair of slipper, 2 new bags.

finally i am contented.

now i am left with, my baby lee cooper shoes ):

i still havent found the money to get em shoes i want it SO badly.

and now i am left with errr.. zero dollars.

love's birthday is coming up i wonder what surprise i'm coming up with...

alrighty, im done.

315/

2009-11-07T00:28:00.000+08:00

314/

2009-11-07T00:08:00.001+08:00

my heart is beating, pounding ever so slowly... it's making me harder and harder to breathe. i don't know what i'm feeling, i don't know why i am feeling this way. it's indescribable concoction of feelings. confused happy excited joyful.. what's happening?

finally got to meet love today...

and time with you is never enough.

313/ chalet

2009-11-05T01:35:00.008+08:00

hi and i am back from my class chalet. i am totally dead beat. got myself totally worned out because i jogged the day before and got myself cramps all over my body. then i woke up early this morning because there seem to be a disturbance under my block. the stupid garbage truck just won't stop honking. i was lying down in bed cursing the shit out of myself at the truck. i couldn't get myself back to sleep so i got up and did the usuals.

the usuals = cleaning the house.

the house always seem to be in a mess early in the morning.
i don't know why either. maybe it's because of the fact that everybody's throwing their clothes asaide after changing erm and the plates on the tables are still there even though it's empty and coffee is only half drunk..

so anyway, i was preety much pissed off with my parents attitude today. i went to steam some red bean buns for breakfast, but i forgot to place the water underneath because, 1. i am too tired. 2. geez i forgot! all of this results in = chao da red bean buns. when mum and dad got home, i got a little restless. they saw the buns in a chao da state and my mum kept on nagging and nagging non-stop. dad, on the other hand, was being sarcastic, YET AGAIN.

" eh everybody, don't eat the pao she cook. all burnt already. throw away. don't eat. wait kena cancer. "

sickening to the max -.-' dude it's not as if i burnt the whole bun or anything, it's just overcooked alittle and it still CAN be eaten for your god damn information. i got so pissed off i just said " Ler. gitu pun nak marah. burnt stakat sikit je pe. orang takkan mati nye. "
( Ler. like that also want to be angry. burnt abit only what. nobody will die one. " then when i was getting ready to meet suz, mom opened up the door and sarcastically said " so? this time what time you wanna come home? " i was still pretty pissed about the incident that happened earlier and she just added more fuel to the flame.

i replied her saying, " what? what time? how i know what time? i never even promise you to go back at 7 the other time and you told meyou don't trust me. i on the other line like ' HUH? ' but i never say only. " then she went silent for a minute or two and then she said "okay, i let you take the last bus home. " i said alright and left home. i missed the freaking bus because mom asked me a whole lot of questions before i went out. everytime i step out, she'd hold me back and ask me some more questions. irritated as hell. and this led to me missing the god damn bus 21, i was supposed to board because suz was already inside the bus waiting for me.

i got so pissed i just kept quiet and listen to my songs, full blast all the way. calmed me down a little though. met up with din, suz, des at the bustop. made our way to the chalet and finally get to see my babygirls huh! exchanged hugs and stories and a whole lot of pictures taken. watched danceflick together, laughed non-stop cos' the story's bullshit. started bbq-ing around 5-6.

des ate alot today uh! first time seeing you eating alot. haha good uh, next time eat some more ah. took pictures some more. then watched singapore idol, then after which i watched my all time must watch chinese drama while everybody else is busy walking around the room i don't know for what but i was the only one watching tv lol. okay then took a few pictures again outside the chalet. it was ten already. was watching sg idol results when love called, i took my phone and ran outside the chalet as fast as i could cos i wanted to hear his voice.

waaaaaah, i've missed you alot. talked on the phone for a little while and hes gone off to sleep. heard the whole room was screaming and i ran back to the chalet and watched who got eliminated this time round. charles was safe ( damn it ), then down to the last two sylvia and mae. i begged, ( literally begged ) for slyvia NOT to be out. and nope she didn't, mae did.

after the results show, girls sent me to the bustop and i went home. here i am blogging, and updating pictures... and it's 2.23 am. i think imma watch some more tv show before i turn in tonight. alrighty, i'm done.

312/ words meets heartbeats.

2009-11-03T20:13:00.002+08:00

because it's my duty to make you happy every single day.

yesterday, today, tomorrow always.

i miss you,

all the time.

311

2009-11-02T17:22:00.002+08:00

girl : eeee, uuuu! knp u paqai cm tu!

guy : takleh ke? okay pe!

girl : eeeee tarqq hencem sheyy..

guy : aperrh yankk takk hencem?

girl : u memalukarn i lurhh! i naqq brreakk urrhs!!

HAHAHA.

R A B A K.

310/ tomorrow all will be beautiful.

2009-11-01T18:58:00.004+08:00

i woke up this morning feeling the same. i don't know how to describe it, it's just the same. it's... that kinda of feeling when you wake up every morning knowing that you know you are going to do the same things all over again. it's that kinda feeling that you know you are going to spend the rest of the day just thinking about what happened yesterday, or just thinking what is in store for you ahead.

sometimes i feel like something's bad is going to happen.

sometimes i feel like something's good is going to happen.

and sometimes i just feel like it is just going to be another boring day that nothing exciting happens.

at 5 i went to sleep again because.. no i wasn't tired. just thought i needed some shut eye. with the weather on my side today, it is making the job so much easier.

then i woke up an hour or two later feeling... different. different in such a way that is determined to do something. determined to change someone's view of life, or maybe, the word love itself. i don't know why i felt this way either. i feel so full of hope that i am able to change your view of what life is, because i know you've not been living the best out of the best in life.

somehow, i just feel like i can do something to change that. and i know i can, i know i will.

things happen for a reason. things just don't happen like that. it's always the past people that makes us the stronger person we are today. mistakes were made, and we learn from them. and when it's too late, it's too late. it's not a matter of how you get it back, it's a matter of how you can take it. though i can say it's not easy. nobody ever said it was easy. but you have to try. you tried, you fail, you tried and then you fail. then what are you going to do next? give up on everything else and leave it all to fate?

sure, i know how it feels being in that state. when that someone kicks you when you are already in your weakest point. you'll bleed, no doubt about that. and it takes a long time for you to let go, and forget. but darling, you know that you will never be able to forget the past if you never learn to forgive that someone. you'll hold grudges, you'll hold this hatred feeling that is inside of you, and you'll hold it with you and bring it to the future. everybody makes mistakes, because they constantly change. because they change feelings once in a while. and it was her mistake for hurting you so bad once before.

you don't know the meaning of love, you don't want to try it out all over again because you are afraid of what is going to happen, and you just can't trust anybody. you don't know what is going to happen if you try once more. you are just.. so afraid something similar will happen. but you should know too that everybody's just not the same. you can tell if someone's really is being honest with you or just playing with you around. even if you can't tell right now, you will in time to come. time is right there by your side, time will heal all wounds.

but only if you already forgave the person, and tell yourself to let it all go. because maybe the relationship ended for a good cause, because the separation of both parties has a lesson to learn, because maybe the separation of both parties will make you a stronger and a much better person in the future. maybe it ended because there is so much more in store for you. maybe it ended because you deserve so much more. true love doesn't have any happy endings, because it wasn't supposed to end in the first place.

i want to change your view of life, of love, of everything else you see in this world. i want you to look at things positively, i want you to stop hurting yourself and just let the past go. even if its slower than you thought it was would, it's okay, i'm here to make the pain all go away. i want you to not give up over the slightest obstacle, i want you to not worry about what will happen. because it was never the matter of whether that something happens is good or bad, it is a matter of how you take it. you have to think about the pros and cons of every situations, make the decision, and make the best out of it. and when you do so, never look back. never ever look back because there is sure to be something that holds and pulls you back. i want you to live your life, without thinking what is going to happen next. i want you to live your life, without worrying what will happen one day. i want you to love once more, like you never did before. i want you to pretend that your past never exists, just for one day. just forget about it all for one day and open your heart once more.

although i might not know what exactly happened, but i guess that's life. sometimes you sit down and wonder what on earth life means. sometimes you sit down and ask so many questions but get no answers. sometimes you feel so lost you don't know what to do anymore. stop questioning yourself, stop waiting. search for the answers, live your life. because if you spent the rest of your life waiting and asking questions, you will never get the answers that you want. i want to see you happy. i want to see a genuine smile on your face, i want you to feel what real happiness is about, i want you to wake up every morning having something to look forward too. i want you to wake up every morning with so much hope. i want you to wake up every morning not thinking what else is in store. and the last of all, i want you to feel what love is really like.

because it hurts to see you still trapped. because it hurts to see you unable to let go of what has happened. because it hurts to know that all this while you are smiling and laughing, are not from the heart. because it hurts to know that you're ignoring the feeling when you know you are only hurting yourself even deeper.

like i've said, you can never forget about someone or something when you don't forgive them. it's all about choices. it's your choice, to whether or not you want to forgive your past or not. because if you don't, i am certain, dead certain that the grudge and hatred you feel inside will never go away. it'll be brought to the future, and then your future will be exactly the same as your pasts. your future has to forget about the past.

it is definitely going to hard forgiving someone, because you'll tend to fall and getting yourself hurt. but it's okay, i am here once again, to pull you up from where you were. i am here to put a smile on your face. i am here to ease the pain, i am here to show the true meaning of everything. i am here to make you live your life again, i am here to make you smile sincerely, from the bottom of your heart. i am here to give you hope, i am here to make it all okay. and if you don't believe me, just listen to my heartbeat, listen to how loud each heartbeats sounds, listen to how this heart is beating ever so slowly when i'm with you. it's like my heart stops, getting even more difficult to breathe in the air around me.

just take my hand, hold it tight because it is going to be one hell of a journey. regardless of ups and downs, you know i will go through thick and thin with you.

all of this can happen darling, if you just trust me.

if you choose, to whether or not to forgive and let go of every hatred feeling you have on the inside, and open your heart once more for love. it's your choice whether to trust and give it another shot at it, it's your choice whether to let it go and start anew, or just think and live in the shadows of your past. don't you see, everything, is up to you.

309

2009-11-01T12:32:00.002+08:00

Being a strong person means knowing that in the end, everything is going to be okay.

308

2009-11-01T12:31:00.001+08:00

" I mean, if life’s so hard already, why do we bring more trouble down on ourselves? What’s up with the need to hit the self-destruct button? Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know, maybe we just wouldn’t feel alive. "

307

2009-11-01T12:26:00.004+08:00

It’s better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at the line for the rest of your life.

306

2009-11-01T12:26:00.001+08:00

Let’s be honest. Sometimes there is nothing harder in life than being happy for somebody else.

305

2009-11-01T12:24:00.000+08:00

" I’m not old enough to know about everything but I am old enough to understand that when someone walks away, they’re always going to come back. And if they don’t come back, they were never really there. "

-(via mols)

304

2009-11-01T12:22:00.001+08:00

" For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. "

-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (via mols)

303

2009-11-01T01:14:00.001+08:00

this time baby, i'll be bulletproof.

302

2009-10-31T19:43:00.004+08:00

yesterday's pictures of the pit. i thought the whole of 4n2 was gonna be there as well as the 4n3's but less then 20 people came :/

some of them working, tired, or just didn't appear at all.

it's okay, everybody has to come on the 4th.

i reached eunos inter at 5 and waited for her at eunos int i sent her 4 text messages and she didn't reply and i thought is she going to come or not then she called me and said sorry i am late i was on the phone with dee then i said it's okay. like i thought she isn't coming. so we made our way to ecp by taking the bus 15. walked to the pit and saw the rest. wasn't in a really good mood the other day because of some stuff but all was okay when i finally get talk to suz and curse her like hell.

hell yeah. it's been a long time since we've met ( almost three weeks ) + the rest of you girls.

so then we reached the place said hi and stuff, sat down bbqed food to eat. the weather wasn't at our side that day then it started to rain. waited for a while and then made my way home since my mom was screaming at me over the phone.

301

2009-10-30T10:32:00.002+08:00

you have no freaking idea how pissed i am with my mum.

everytime she uses something she wouldn't tell me. like the the other time she used my belt and my shorts was freaking loose and i had no other belt. then i searched the whole house like crazy but to no avail. then i got so pissed off i shouted for the belt then she said " oh it's right here. i'm using it. "

-________________ -

then now i am searching for my hairband because my fringe is annoying the hell out of me and it's currently missing and i think i know who the hell took my hair band. It just pisses me off when someone takes my things without permission. then when i need it it is nowhere to be found.

pissed as hell

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

300

2009-10-29T18:04:00.000+08:00

~~sometimes~~ all the time.

299

2009-10-28T20:06:00.001+08:00

Maybe the truth is, there’s a little bit of loser in all of us. Being happy isn’t having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it’s about stringing together all the little things.

298

2009-10-28T20:01:00.002+08:00

297

2009-10-28T20:00:00.002+08:00

" Like hot air balloons, all of us are engineered to soar to great heights. Unfortunately, many of us “sandbag” ourselves. We do things, we think things, and we believe things that hold us down. We get insecure, fearful, and jealous. We judge people, think negatively and make excuses for our unhappiness. We become our biggest obstacle. Imagine what it would be like if we got out of our own way."

296

2009-10-28T19:58:00.001+08:00

" I dream that one day I will stop caring what others think of me. I dream that I'll go out there and face the world and just be me. I dream of a world where people respect themselves and stop putting their worth in the hands of other people. You're not great because he/she thinks you are. You're great because you believe you are. "

295

2009-10-28T18:23:00.004+08:00

Fact #165 : I sleep with a smile every night after i hear your voice.

294

2009-10-28T00:49:00.003+08:00

currently occupying myself with FB ( which has been an ass for the past few weeks idky mine suck to the hella max ).

i was thinking of making a new FB account...hmm...

nah i don't think i should do it.

so anyway, i got grounded just recently because i have been spending too much money and too much time outside..

dad doesn't like it when i reach home late. neither does mum. now i even have a curfew for me to sleep.

yeah i know.

what.

in.

the.

world?

so...

hmm..

you know what i totally forgot what i want to type here.

oh no, wait, give me a second now.... got it!

ha ha ha.

i am so excited to start working oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god.

and fridays = meeting up with you + photoshoot with dee + pit + work.

you tell me how to do all this before 5.

you tell me la. i also don't know.

doubt mom will even let me out of the house until it's time for me to go to work.

which is around 5

sigh.

it sucks being grounded.

it sucks so bad..

293

2009-10-27T21:45:00.004+08:00

( via fuckyeahhlove )

dessim

uoy.

292

2009-10-27T14:40:00.002+08:00

this is how i feel when i'm with you.

291

2009-10-27T12:03:00.002+08:00

i've missed you,
since a long time ago.

Let it go,

2009-10-26T16:04:00.001+08:00

let it roll off your shoulder. Don't you know? The hardest part is over. Let it in, let your clarity define you. In the end, we will only remember how it feels.

289

2009-10-26T14:00:00.003+08:00

oh and did i mention that sakura restaurant called me the other day and asked me to go there again for an interview!

i got the job.

i am so happy. raba'ah and farah also applied the job with me and they got hired too.

am going to start work on friday.

and on friday that means i won't be able to meet you :/

ahhh, okay i'm going to get back to my Grand Theft Auto again.

and this time, Chinatown Wars :D

Soon enough you'll hear me making Sindacco car sounds and Guns firing.

Yes i am that obsessed with GTA.

okay buaibuai.

the quiet things that no one ever knows.

2009-10-26T13:06:00.002+08:00

Hello saveushere as i am blogging on a bright Monday afternoon.

So...

i haven't been posting up here for quite some time huh.

my apologies for that dear readers, but i have been occupying myself with other things.

to keep myself busy. well okay most of the times i spent my time job hunting and waiting at home for their call, or staying at home watching tv and do my house chores, going out with family and stuff.

i spent my second week of the holidays job hunting. failed,

because not one of em' called me.

asy informed me about this kendarat job thing and she said they need hell lots of people. i was so desperate for a job i decided to meet her up and went for the interview. at woodlands. early in the morning at woodlands. i almost fell asleep in the train because i slept at 5 the previous night. and so we alighted at woodlands, took the bus and searched for block 866. got lost and asked someone living around the area to help us.

was in the interview when someone texted me.......

BAM!

i was all smiles.

it was ten in the mrning at that time.

so anyway, raba'ah farah asy and myself went to causeway point to get something to eat because we were starving. bought macs. raba'ah farah and asy went to BHG first because i was going to meet someone. on the way.

then mum called me and nagged throughout the conversation because she got to find out tha i went out early in the mrning. i told her i went to a job interview and she still didn't stop nagging at me tsk. she then asked me to go home straight because dad's side of the family is having a wedding dinner at maritus hotel.

i like wah nbcb maritus hotel how come so sudden one.

then my mom said : it was planned months ago.

then i said : how come you never tell me?

then my dad said : you don't want come you say, don't need to say until like that.

then i said : huh what you talking about? i asking only mah.

then -----------------------------------

idk what was up with my dad that day. he started yelling to everybody and bossing everybody around. must be really stressed up about what he was going to wear. everybody wore smart suits and he wore a simple polo tee with his jeans and dr martens shoes, yeah the same shoes he was wearing during CNY 09.

and so we made our way to Maritus Hotel, met up with Great aunt and Lao ma. then followed by the rest of the family on the... 15th floor. As soon as the door lift opened, my jaw dropped. literally. I saw my Aunt ( or was it my great aunt idk ) with her wedding dress. So fucking tall and pretty. Everybody was wearing tuxedos and drinking beer and red wine. Flash was here there everywhere.

Dad led us to the dining room which all of my other cousins and aunties and great aunties and great uncles and everybody else. They were already seated down because they came so much earlier. My family was always the last to come. Well, most of the times though. They have a Mini stage in the dining room and 15 big tables with 3 levels in the room. Yeah imagine the cost of all of it. Their wedding was so grand i was staring at everything in the room.

Then the waiter came up to me from the side and he took the napkin and bend down. i was like : what the hell you doing man! but before i could say it he took the napkin, bent down and said " excuse me, miss " and put the napkin on my lap.

WAH!

damn cool.

okay i gotta admit. it was my first time attending to this kinda dinner, so i am pretty much excited. Everybody was chatting around and then my other cousins came. She brought along her husband and i thought he look like..... Isky.

no seriously he does. The hair, the shape of the body, the face, the way he look at people, the way he smiles.

yeah so moving along, everybody was at their seats already and this vincent person, the emcee for the day said he was going to show us a video during their ROM. sweet as hell. they had the whole ceremony happening. in case you were wondering what ceremony, its where two parties say I do, and put their rings on each others fingers. Then followed by cutting of their wedding cake.

After the video ended we started the dinner. Usual chinese stuff, shark fin's soup, Abalone and..... stuff. Was really excited to try their food because well i never really did had them before. what else, try la!

bride and groom made their way to the room, this part also very grand uh. they walked down the stairs and there was smoke on the ground and the lights were dim and as they entered there were people throwing flowers at the sides. the Bride interlocked her arms with the Groom's , and the groom waves to everybody.

Grand as hell? Hell yeah.

then we had the yamseng thing with wine and back to dinner.

then i told my mom..

Me : ma, next time my turn ah.

Mum : HUH what your time next time!

Me : This one all, wedding dinner, dress all ah. Get ready to plan * raising up eyebrows *

Mum : ah this one you wait uh, you wait long long.

Dad overheard me and he laughed at me.

so hard.

basket.

Me : what? can happen what.

we finished our dinner at 11, then after which we made our way home.

I had a really great time meeting my other cousins ( although i don't really think i've seen them before ).

2009-10-25T20:12:00.011+08:00

miss you guys to the hella max!

see you guys on the 4th <3,

and not to forget my stead..

natasha toh :)

as well as my cina doll,

deshiree :)

2009-10-18T01:04:00.005+08:00

eunos -> marina barrage -> suntec -> home.

went out with classmates today.

suprisingly i was the first one to arrive there.

i thought i'd usually be the last.

yeah well, whatever.

made our way to marina to slack but the weather was fucking hot. so we stayed over a little while to snap some pictures and then off to marina for long johns.

te'ah met us later on after she finished her work, missed you.

yah after that sky garden then i went back home early because..

i don't know i just want to.

met up with mom at tampines to switch to hubtv then headed home.

i am god damned upset with you, really.

i think i just need some fucking time alone.

i doubt you don't even know i am upset with you right now.

ah fuck it ah.

bye.

a whole new level.

2009-10-16T19:14:00.004+08:00

Take your passion to a whole new level...

with Canon 7D.

Made for a difference.

hell yes i am going to scrimp and save for a new baby.

xcraft's bullshit

2009-10-16T18:30:00.004+08:00

oh and i tried to ask for a vacancy spot in xcraft and...

me : excuse me, what's the age limit for this job uh?

Girl : Err... we want chinese.

me : Wo ke yi jiang hua yu.

Girl 2 : Ni ke yi jiang hua yu? Ru guo wo jiang hua yu, mei you jiang hua wen de, ni ming bai ma?

me :Wo ke yi ah, Wo ming bai.

Girl 2 : Ni yao full time de shi part time de?

me : Part time de. yuo mei you part time?

Girl 2 : Oh... wo men yao full time de ying wei part time de xian zhai mei you space le.

me : Ke shi ni men jiang ni shi yao part time de? wei shen me mei you le?

Girl 2: ying wei wo men yuo liang ke part time le, wo men de tian hen xiao. wo men yao full time de.

me : Oh haha it's okay then.

sorry. my hanyu pinyin got worst when i stopped taking chinese in school.

they said they didnt want part time anymore because their shop is small and they already have no slots for part time

yeah damn it.

...

save us, save me.

2009-10-16T18:15:00.005+08:00

well... not really.

i missed saveushere and i thought of leaving the blog behind.

even thought of deleting it.

it's 6:16 pm on a friday afternoon and i just got home from suntec.

with..

with my school uniform.

ha ha ha.

fuck it, i'm kidding.

sometimes i wonder why i was born in the month of december..

when i wanted to apply for a job i'd always hear the same words.

' Sorry, rules are rules. You can come back when you're already 16. '

why don't they count the year we were born instead, wouldn't life be much more easier.

results are coming out on the december 15th and my birthday falls on the 8th.

dude it would be useless for me to get a job by then!

then what the hell am i going to do during the month of november?

i'm not going to waste my holidays doing nothing or merely just doing the same thing single day.

oh what a bore my life would be.

i need something exciting. i need someone or something that i can look forward to everyday. i need something that can captivate and capture my attention. i need something that makes me feel.... happy. someone new, something new.

or another choice i'd love to do, is to travel.

but dude how the hell.

am.

going.

to.

travel.

with.

only.

22 bucks!

fuck it really, it sucks to be 15.

it sucks so bad.

for the better of it all.

2009-10-11T22:59:00.002+08:00

it's about time.

it's been a while, quite a while now.

i can assure that nothing is going to change.

i'd prefer it to be just this way itself,

after which i'd find another route to continue.

memories and so much more,

" replace old ones with new ones, love, only then you will be able to forget "

- syida.

and i shall do just that. by replacing every memory i've had.

my journey in saveushere, ends tonight.

lobert ah,

2009-10-11T18:10:00.003+08:00

the world's greatest bestfriend you can ever find,

miss you lobert lu.

2009-10-10T12:26:00.002+08:00

things to do during the holiday :

1. dye my hair.
2. get a job.
3. photography sessions.
4. lose some more weight!
5. meet up with haniz & umairah and the rest
6. trip to surabaya/vietnam.
7. grow taller.

and...

learn how to smile with teeth.
which i can't seem to do it
whatthefuckshit

and i think theres a pimple on my eye lid

omg.....!

2009-10-10T09:29:00.000+08:00

now, i know who my real friends are.

2009-10-09T21:58:00.001+08:00

pop, goes the moon.

2009-10-09T21:55:00.001+08:00

I am not feeling sad because i didn't get the job because i am only 15 fuck dec!

2009-10-09T10:26:00.000+08:00

2009-10-09T10:21:00.001+08:00

" I think I have a problem. I think I think too much. I’ve been taught to hold back my tears, and avoid them. But you make pain into something I could touch. I think I’d be better off without you here. And I bet you’re sweet and hard to get over. So, I’ll cry and people will stop and stare. Now, that is okay. Let them stop and stare because I’m fragile, and I’m hopeless, and I’m not perfect, but I’m free. "

2009-10-09T10:19:00.002+08:00

2009-10-09T10:19:00.001+08:00

" As great as we have been, I think that I would be better off if I let you go. See, you know you have me, but I can’t say the same for you. I don’t know if I have you, or if I ever will. That’s what breaks my heart. I can’t spend my entire life waiting for you to decide what you want, or if you think we’ll make it. I just can’t. So for now, I am saying goodbye. "

2009-10-09T10:16:00.000+08:00

" I’ll say my goodbye, and you’ll walk away in the way that you do. Then we’ll both pretend that nothing happened and we never knew each other. Because that’s what happens. You find people, and then you lose them. Nothing lasts forever, contrary to popular belief. And it’s those goodbyes, the ones you’d never thought you had to say; it’s those that hurt the most. "

2009-10-09T10:12:00.000+08:00

2009-10-09T10:09:00.000+08:00

" So, I guess I trusted you a bit too much. When I let you hold my heart in your hands, You just shattered it, then handed me back the pieces with a note attached that said “You’ll be needing these” Not even a sorry. Not even a hint of remorse. Now, how am I supposed to fix this? Because scotch tape and glue can’t handle something this broken. "

2009-10-09T10:04:00.002+08:00

2009-10-09T09:52:00.003+08:00

" The biggest mistake he made was that he thought he could repeat the past,
The biggest mistake i made was thinking that the past wouldn't repeat itself again. "

2009-10-07T23:16:00.002+08:00

don't you just love reblogging quotes.

well i do,

i think imma make myself a tumblr site...

soon.

2009-10-07T14:54:00.002+08:00

i cleaned my house today.

re arranged the furniture.

whipped up something for myself for lunch.

went to fetch my sister form school..

everything seems good.

only i couldn't find the teddy bear he gave me anywhere at home.

i thought it was in my big box of soft toys in my room.

while walking home i asked my sister whether she saw the bear anywhere.

sis : dont want tell you later you scold..

me : what tell me la just say. where the teddy bear?

sis : daddy go give someone else... ( looking down )

me : (shouts) WHAT THE HELL WHO HE GIVE TO?

sis : yingying (neighbour) la...

me : (shouts) WHY HE ANYHOW TAKE ONE?!

sis : (silence)

me : wah lao idiot leh that one my friend give one leh! wah lao then what daddy say?

sis : i tell him already this teddy bear jiejie still want then he say nvm, jiejie won't know one.

i got so pissed off with dad. i swear i just wanted to explode right there and then.

we reached home and i waited for dad to come home.

as soon as he opened the door,

me : why you give my teddy bear away!!

dad : (oh-shit-she-found-out-look)

me : that teddy bear i still want why you anyhow take then give yingying!!

dad : then you anyhow throw?!

me : where got anyhow throw i just put it with the rest of the toys what!

dad : (silent)

i started to shed a tear or two because i was so freaking pissed off.

mom opened the door next and saw my face.

mom : aiya can buy new one what...

me : whre can buy new one that one my friend give one!!!! ( started weeping and shouting at the same time )

mom : aiya then go exchange lor... then any teddy bear in your room then ask jessica exchange

me : (runs to bedroom and finds another toy)

mom : find another bear already not?

me : not yet la! how come he can anyhow take one!

mom : aiya he dont know what..

me : how can he dont know everybody in this house know i sleep with the teddy bear everyday one what!!

mom : (kept quiet and helped find another teddy bear)

me : nah. find already.

dad : cannot exchange already la. give already how to exchange.

me : wah lao then you anyhow take i still want it okay!

dad : then you anyhow put who ask you to put there..

me : PUT WHERE? I JUST PUT IT WITH THE REST OF THE TOYS. I DIDNT SAY I DIDNT WANT IT.

dad : ( silent )

mom : give her two lor..

me : give her the whole damned box of soft toys i dont care i just wan that teddy bear!

i ran to my sis and asked her to made the exchange as fast as she could because my neighbour's door was open.

door open = ying ying is in.

sis then came back

with the teddy bear home.

i have to thank god for this man.

thanks a hell lot for bringing the teddy bear back.

thank god she didn't brought it home or smth otherwise i'd be so mad...

i'd be so mad i wouldn't talk to anybody for weeks.

no.

seriously.

inspired

2009-10-06T18:57:00.004+08:00

from fallagain.pitas.com

i was inspired when i saw these pictures again. makes me feel like i have so much more to see so much more to look forward to so many places to go... and do some photography.

i want to go perth someday.

where the waters are clear blue.

where the are kangaroos on the side of the road.

where those tiny little quokos hopping endlessly on the side of the road too.

i've dreamt of travelling...

since i was young but i told myself " fat hope luh you study like this you want travel what shit "

oh well i guess i'm going to try harder. i am considering to get tourism course instead of those business stuff. mom's forcing me to go into business because it can help me in my career one day. i don't want a career. i want a normal, good paying job but also one that i can enjoy. in this case = tourism.

eh but..

i scared uh tourism only go one place. then how? so Zzzzz...

yeah so anyway, i am finally stress-free! okay maybe not totally but most of it is gone

and that's because i am done and over with my art once and for all

yes uh man yessss!

done my maths paper one too. i counted and i have confirmed to have lost about... 14 marks at least. hopefully i'd ace that paper.

what's left is my geo paper and paper 2 on thursday.

then fucking hell i am free!

hahaha i sound like ive been trapped in a cellar for too long

ohhhhh.... the agony

wait, what agony?

no i don't know what i'm saying either.

you see you're talking to yourself.

i am?

wait, i am.

shut up!

okay.

right now.

yeap.

ha ha ha ha.

best of the best

2009-10-04T19:44:00.010+08:00

hello world as i am blogging on a sunday night at 7.45 pm...

currently watching primeval on channel 5
and i feel like eating again.

can't believe how much i've ate these few days.
meals snacks and meals and then back to snacks again
juice plus plain water and ribena
oh god

i was planning to jog this afternoon but given the current condition of my leg...
i can't even wear socks! well because i have 2 blisters on every toe except the 2nd one,
that applies to both of em feet

hohohoho the pain hohohoho

oh well.

so yesterday was one hella of a great day with classmates and 4n3!

thank you for making this year's raya the best of the best.

love you guys to bits and pieces!

this was the first but certainly not the last right? of course.

tomorrow's the start of n's levels again

wil be having both science paper tomorrow

i think...

i think i should start revising now

no wait i should be revising now

haha alright,

all the best to babygirls and classmates with your paper tomorrow

goodnight.

hey no wait before i say goodnight

i'd like to say thank you so much suz for saving my life by lending me your sandal

i swear i'd give up walking on with those heels and go barefooted back on my way home

and no i wasn't angry at all last night

i was just in great damned pain!

okay this time i am really going off.

goodnight.

p/s : fadilah gangsterrrrrr (:

today?

2009-10-02T22:33:00.004+08:00

and so i am back from...
bedok with family.

went around to see things
walked pass a shoe shop that sold the flats i've wanted to buy so long
price was reasonable and it was at a 20% discount
i told my mom to come over and see the flats
then she asked for the sales person : can you get her err size 37/38 please?

then i was shocked and i said : YOU'RE BUYING THIS FOR ME?

she looked at me and kept quiet.

and then i did the same and tried the flats.
she paid for it and went to look around some more..
i asked her whether or not it is possible for me to get a new phone..

Me : Ma, can buy new phone? Sony Eric W508, it's really nice. When can i buy it?
Mum : Your birthday.

she has been so generous these few days, i feel so happy
she bought me the flats she used to say it looks like shit
she planned to buy me a new handphone when she used to say : YOU HEAD AH! when i mentioned the word " handphone "

this rules.

while walking around, saw someone i thought i knew..
she looked up and yeap it was her, nuril!
been a long time since i've seen you uh!
i've missed you,
hope your reading this!

so dad planned to buy satay and eat it at home
here i am eating sitck by stick of satay with gravy and ketupat hell yeah..

o h m y g o d

fat already uh fat already
nevermind, i shall jog every morning after n's since theres no more school left yeah!

i am dead tired.

oh and by the way, the girl ely in your blog, miskiah is not me.
i don't have any faults with you and i don't know why you're putting the blame on me.
i don't even type that way in the first place. i don't wish to pursue this matter any longer, so let us drop it alright. thanks.

today's the last day of school for us. where we would sit down and literally just study and do our classwork, in class. where we would sit down, shout to the teacher, ask for teacher's permission to go to the toilet. throw paperballs, vandalise tables, type nonsensical messages on whiteboards, writing the class mood, date, how many are present. the last time we would be doing our duty roster. the last time we would have chairmans, and vice chairmans in our class. the last of everything a secondary school. i admit i almost cried during the last lesson because i don't know just seems like time is going too fast. too fast i don't even realise " hey, today's the last day of school in telok kurau. in secondary life. "

so many memories left, and still quite vivid in my mind. today i sat in class thinking about what happened during sec 1, 2 and 3. what kinda shit i've been through, what kinda shit i've got myself and brought upon myself. what kinda friends i've made, good ones and bad ones. History class in sec 1... CCA open house, the uniform group camps we used to have. With Npcc and the st. johns. The songs i've learnt, the commands i've learnt. The mistakes i've learnt.

Then i realised i have been so much through in secondary school for this four years. What it may seem only like the start of school... I don't feel like today's the last day, really. I thought tomorrow's a school day. I was looking forward to go to school every monday because i'd usually make an alarm at 5 every weekdays. yeah i know i've typed too much... but seconday school memories seem to be a part of me. especially the friends i have made during these four years. I learnt that people come and go, we learn to accept them into our lifes but we also have to learn to let them go. The thought of me not being able to meet all of my friends once again saddens me.

Everybody was saying to each other ' Don't forget about me okay? I'd never want to lose you as a friend. '
' Later we go out of school, all dye hair already, all like gangster already ah! '
' Wah i very sad leh, today last day go school with you guys. It's like so damn fast.. '
' We'll never lose contact okay! Remember JFS! '
' Come everybody sign on the table, so everybody can read our 2009 class 4n2! '
' Come everybody take picture, take our last picture together. '
' I wish i knew you since sec 1. '
' I wish i knew you earlier. '

all of this comments from babygirls.

I gave out a deep sigh listening to everybody saying that to almost every one. What's worst, we were giving hugs to each other when it was time to go home. I shed a tear or two, because every goodbye kinda hurts. Even if it doesn't hurt that much, you'll still feel the pinch inside. We'll never lose contact okay, we won't. Secondary school life and memories are rather precious to me.

Now i'm starting to sound all emotional and stuff, don't blame me. Everybody is saddened about it too :/

tomorrow's the last... get together.. session together. will be jalan raya-ing with dear classmates and 4n3. Don't know what i'll be wearing, don't know what shoes i'll be wearing. I don't know nothing at all. I shall wake up early in the morning tomorrow ( of course i will, i always do )

yawns, i think i just typed a composition here. Wonder who reads my posts...
seriously i find my blog so boring i don't even bother viewing it after i post.
no, really.

alright, i am off to webcam with suz ( som bo dee ) right now.
goodbye saveushere.

goodnight.

Happy 16th Birthday, Deshiree

2009-10-02T22:19:00.003+08:00

Happy 16th Birthday, babygirl!

it's finally the 2nd of october. sorry for not wishing you when it struck midnight. but it's not too late to wish you here again right? :) All the best in your future, your studies and relationship! May all your wishes and dreams come true. What ever problems you stumble onto, you must remember to be strong haha. Don't ever let negative feelings get the hold of you! Thank you for all the times you've been there for me, through both good and bad times. always cheering me up and making me smile with your jokes and laughter. i hope you enjoyed your day today. Once again, happy 16th birthday deshiree. i hope we won't lose contact once we graduate from school. i wouldn't want to lose someone like you. Luve you!

now that everybody's turning 16....
idiot when will it be my turn
another 3 more months sighhhh!

Canon eos 400D

2009-10-02T17:17:00.003+08:00

dad came to me, holding a canon eos 400d guide in his hands.

i stared at him.

dad : hey i bought a canon eos 400d

i screamed.

i look for the camera all around then finally saw my mom carrying a camera bag.

mom laughed at me.

i screamed for the camera.

mom : no la play play with you only la.

._.

Dear you,

2009-10-01T19:41:00.003+08:00

Dear you,

i'm sorry. i'm sorry for every single thing that i have done. it's my fault, yes it's all my fault. i controlled you from the start, made everything worst, betrayed your trust, killed your heart slowly. i'm sorry, you have no idea how much i am regretting my mistakes right now. i wish i could take back all the words that i have said that hurt you, how i wish i could take all of it back. how i wish i could control my feelings back then and took care of you and your precious heart then. they say you won't know what you've got until you lost them. they're right. as im crying typing this post, i am sure you wouldn't care if i were to die crying for you. i know it's too late saying all of these, but i just thought you should read it. i'm sorry for hurting you everyday. since the day you left my heart has been empty, so empty because i know it won't be the same again. i'm sorry if it bothers you to know that i am still waiting for you, and that i still love you. i'm sorry if my name annoys you, i'm sorry if seeing my face everyday irritates you. i promise i will leave you alone, if that is what you want me to do. i am probably the most stupidest girl ever, having to hurt the perfect guy like you, loving me wholeheartedly. i didn't know every word meant something, i didn't know everything you've done meant something means everything. if i have one wish, just one, i'd wish for you to come back to me. i won't control you anymore, i won't hurt you anymore, i'd make the relationship last as long as eternity. i know i said those words before, but i was still stupid back then. i know it's too late to say all of this, i know you don't want to give this another try. i'm sorry to tell you that my heart just won't say goodbye. some people say it's natural, because you've just broken up with your bf. my heart is just not ready to let go. i still think that we should give this another try, if you could only give me one more chance. call me desperate, call me crazy, call me names, i don't care. but what i feel inside, in this heart, is my love for you. but i have been living my life in regret for the past 13 days and you're still the person i think about everyday. if could turn back time, i'd pause to where we were in the botanical gardens celebrating our 4th month together. holding you so tight until the end of time. if i could turn back time, i'd hold you and never let you go. i know everything i say right now is worthless, and that i know you couldn't care less..

i'd just want you to know that i've realised how much i've hurt you, and realised that i have been pushing you away all these while. i don't think i'd be able to move on, because our memories are are still fresh in my head. i know i used to say all of these words, but i never really meant it because i don't change. but i meant my words this time. i'm sorry.. i'm really sorry. i'd still be here for you even if the sky falls down. i'm sorry for all the blames you've got, i'm sorry for all the hurt i've caused, i'm sorry for all the things i have done to hurt you. i'm sorry for my emotions, i'm sorry for my attitude. i'm sorry for my moodswings. i'm sorry for always being angry. i'm sorry for not appreciating you when i had you. i'm sorry for everything.

i must, and i will change into a better person.
i'm sorry..

12

2009-09-29T21:07:00.003+08:00

have not been getting enough sleep these few days

no not because i am depressed or something, no.

have been going out after school to survey for girl'fs birthday present this friday

hope you like it though

it's okay girls, save the lee cooper shoes for me :)

hahah!

oh and to jaja, hope you'd be okay soon. i know it's heartbreaking to lose your wallet. don't worry alright, just hope that your ic's gonna come back. breathe slowly in and out :) or maybe you could just think about " WHY GIRL YOUR WALLET LOCK AH? " hahahaha!

yeah... alright..

schools been hectic

and i mean crazily hectic

it's test papers after test papers and then i have to do art and finish everything by monday

what. in. the. world.

i am so tired please

it's okay, a week to n levels and then

its the endddddd hell yeah

you're so god damn irritating i just feel like switching off my phone at times

hey no wait, all the times

stop texting me already because i won't be replying you back

this calls for a new number man.

really can't stand it anymore

on a totally different note,

i have been eating alot of junk food and carbo

junk food = burgers, fries, fried stuff, tortilla chips

carbo = rice + rice + noodles + noodles

and i am still 52 kg this rules man this fucking rules

ha ha ha ha

yeah whatever

am not afraid to eat what i want to eat any longer :)

i'd just go jog if i gain any weight

and this rash on my neck is getting worst then before. it seems to itch like hell and i'dtend to scratch it real hard causing it to spread and stay on even longer. but i can't help it it's just too itchy :/

it's 9.23 pm, and i am half-asleep my god i am so tired

but i can't sleep just yet

am going to start with art now.

goodnight.

p/s : i feel happy knowing that you are happy :)

2009-09-28T19:46:00.000+08:00

i am tired

so damn tired.

BULLSHIT

2009-09-27T14:54:00.002+08:00

why do you have to do this to me i am like regretting so much down here andthere you are hurting me non stop i am already sorry if you dont want o forgive me then so be it why are you liking my friends and i cant believe you, you my friend would text him my god, am i even your friend my fucking god urghhhhhh since you have pictures of her in your phone, since you have already moved on, then why are you still keeping pictures of me and you, delete it dah takde, kite dah habis ah, kite dah abis, since kti dah abis, aku amek gmbr dgn byk byk laki uhhhhh you wanna do everything with her you do uh!

10

2009-09-26T22:11:00.004+08:00

and so... today is the end of my saturday.

i spent my whole day today jln raya(ing) with my neighbour.

time of the month came last night and i suffered from a serious backache

woke up with an even more serious backache

woke up at 6 watched hey arnold till 6.30 and fell asleep back again

wasn't even comfortable since i've got a serious case of headaches

these few days..

had the feeling of puking most of the times too.. i thought i was going to fall sick.

so we got ready and went off to meet my neighbour at the block opposite

took the bus to jurong then after which to the 2nd house

that was when i seriously felt like i was going to faint anytime soon

head was as heavy as a freaking rock

i was sweating even when it's not hot

once i sit down i'll fall asleep

( especially in the bus )

then i'd have blurred vision and unstable head when i get up from sitting down

sick.

to exaggerate the whole situation ;

omg i think i need to go to the hospital!!!!

._.

not gonna blog any further

i need some freaking rest

heads getting heavier by the minute

goodnight.

no wait i think i should end it off with my favourite emoticon ;

the don't-know-what-to-do-or-say-so-got-no-choice-but-to-do-this-face look.

._.

2009-09-25T17:08:00.002+08:00

omg look what i have done to my hair!

don't mind my face luh, i was freaking tired HAHAHA

and omg i am taking my o levels this monday and i am so scared how

HAHA o levels my ass

you know what o level exam im taking?

basic freaking malay!

have to leave school on monday early early to go to st. anthony canossian sch

and also jln raya-ing with neighbours tomorrow

hehe can't wait

since i don't celebrate it here with my family

awwwww so sad

okay la bye la

so sickening sia the way i type

HAHAHA

good day!

this is it. are you ready?

2009-09-24T18:59:00.003+08:00

The guy and the girl met in university. They got closer and then soon fell in love. They were each other's first lovers. They dated for almost 3 years now and they decided to get married.

The guy realises that he started to have pale red spots on his face and started to lose weight drastically. He also has chronic cough and diarrhoea for quite some time. Curious, he went to the hospital for a checkup on whether or not he has Aids. The results came out after a while and it is proved, a positive. He cried his heart out knowing that he was going to pass away soon. Then one day, they went to get their wedding shots taken. The guy puts on his tux, and waited for his fiancee. The girl then tried on her wedding dress and got out. The guy, held the girl's hand and walked towards the mirror.

Girl : (whispers) I think we look suitable for each other ( giggles )

Guy : Repeat that again? ( laughs )

Girl : ( whispers ) I... Think... We... Look... Suitable.. For... Each.. Other.. ( giggles )

Guy : ( laughs ) You're praising yourself ( smiles at the girl )

Guy : You look beautiful in that wedding dress.

Girl : ( whispers ) I know ( giggles ) Imagine walking down the aisle...

Guy : and marrying you, you'll be here with me for the rest of my life ( smiles )

Guy : Let's change your wedding dress, i'm taking you out for dinner ( smiles )

The girl went in the room and changes out from her wedding dress. He then stepped outside and cried his heart out, again, because he knew he could not spend the rest of his life with someone he loves so much, and that he has already passed the virus over to her.

He then went out later in the afternoon to meet with his fiancee after she have done shopping for their new bedsheets for their new bed. his fiancee came out a few mins later...

Girl : hello love, i am done with my shopping! Look what i've got, new bedsheets. I got the one with stars on it, just the way we like it * smiles widely *

Guy : Why did you take so long hm? Guess you took a very long time choosing the new bedsheets huh?

Girl : Of course! I chose special ones, ones that nobody used it yet :)

Girl I had this ring customized again since the first ring didn't fit you. The first one was not the correct size for you because you became so much skinnier. Okay, let's try this one. ( puts ring in finger )

Girl : Why is it that the ring still doesn't fit you? ( looks at the guy )

Guy : ( silent )

Girl : You've lost so much weight and you look awfully pale and tired.

Guy : ( Pulls the girl towards him and hugged her tightly ) I love you so much, you know that right?

Girl : Haha what's wrong? why the sudden hug?

Guy : ( still hugging the girl ) I just want to hold you so tight in my arms, if i could i'd never let you go..

Girl : Haha so silly of you to say that, of course you will have me forever. Even if you were to leave me, i'd never let you go. Give me your hand.

Guy : ( gives hand )

Guy : What if, what if i have done something wrong?

Girl : Hmmm... Depends on what you have done :) if it is something that can be forgiven i will forgive you, if it can't be forgiven... i won't let you off! ( giggles )

Guy : What if i have done something wrong until you can't forgive me? ( Tear rolls down on cheeks )

Girl : ( pushes back ) What's wrong? What have you done?

Guy : I'm sorry, i'm really sorry..

Girl : What is it? What happened?

Guy : I... have Aids.

The girl then runs to the hospital to get her checkup done. It says she has HIV positive. The girls runs away to a wide open space. The guy, even weaker now chases after her..

Guy : ( grabs her hand, almost falling down ) Please dear...

Girl : ( shoves him away ) I hate you!

Guy : ( gasping for air ) I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry..

The girl then avoided him for a few days. She was at home when she got a phone call from the guy. The guy coughs nonstop, and asked her to come down and meet him over at the swimming pool. He sits by the edge and waited for her. He coughs and got eventually got weaker and weaker...

The girl runs down and met him by the swimming pool. She cried the moment she saw him coughing nonstop. He looked at her with his weak eyes and a face ever so pale. The girl then came up to him and gave him a hug and cries on his shoulder.

Guy : Does that mean you have forgiven me? ( coughs and sheds a tear at the same time )

Girl : ( cries ) I've forgiven you... I've forgiven you a long time ago.

Guy : That's... ( cough ) That's good.

The guy then faints on her shoulder, and she panicked. She called for an ambulance and immediately warded him. The girl prayed so hard that he would still live. The girl stayed by his side until he woke up. Then later in the afternoon the girl felt something moved, she opened her eyes. He was awake. She thanked god. The guy then asked her to bring him over to the park behind the hospital. She brought him to the park, and sat down by the large tree, right in the middle of where they could see the whole park.

The guy lies down on her shoulder, the girl holds the guy tightly in her arms at the side.

Guy : I'm sorry for what i've done...

Girl : Don't say that, Don't mention it anymore. I've forgiven you, remember?

Guy : But i've done you wrong...

Girl : It's okay, It doesn't matter. As long as you are here with me, everything will be fine, everything will be fine. ( starts crying )

Guy : ( looks at sky ) Today is such a beautiful day... I wonder how it feels like to live just for another day..

Girl : ( cries even harder ) Don't say that, you know you will live, don't say that okay? everything will be alright.

Guy : If you ever miss me, you can come down here and listen to the rustle of the leaves. You will know i am here, with you... Especially in your heart..

Girl : ( cries evern harder ) Don't say that please.. I don't want to come over here to listen to the rustle of the leaves, i want to listen to you, i want to listen to you playing the violin for me. I don't want the leaves, I just want you.. Please don't go...

Guy : ( cries softly and looks at the sky ) I feel very tired... I feel very very tired... ( starts to close eyes )

Girl : Don't say that, you'll get enough rest, you will live my dear, you will. Stay, hang on there. I know it hurts, Hang on there.

Guy : ( closes eyes )

Girl : Dear, are you okay? dear? why are you so silent? love what's wrong? ( looks at his face )

Girl : DEAR!!!!!!!!!! ( cries even harder ) Don't leave me, no you're tired that's all, you're tired right, wake up darling wake up!!!!!

Girl : ( cries even harder this time )

Appreciate what you've got before it's all too late.. When you regret and finally lost something. you'll beg for one last chance... but you know you will never get it. Take every chance given and never take it for granted. When things don't go your way, don't think about how much you want to change the world, think about how you can change yourself. Don't change yourself when the person has already left and is already impossible for the other party to give you another chance.. Don't live your life in regret, just like me.

2009-09-24T18:54:00.003+08:00

today,

i feel normal.

i think i am beginning to know and learn what trust, really means.

i think i know how it feels like trusting someone, with all of your heart.

i think now i know how it feels like trusting someone, without a single doubt in your heart.

i think i know now.

i think i know now...

yes i do now.

because if i don't, why don't i have doubts anywhere in my head, in my heart?

because if i don't why don't i usually get mad or sad about, almost everything.

because if i don't why don't i say a whole lot of things that i don't mean to make myself feel better?

today, i have no doubts. i wasn't afraid, i wasn't paranoid, i wasn't worried, i wasn't scared, i wasn't sad, i wasn't doubting anything at all.

today, i finally learnt how to trust someone.

2009-09-23T20:15:00.003+08:00

today,

i went to school.

i had art and screwed up one of my drawings because i wanted to shade in but i made it look like the person has a beard instead.

i got duit raye from mdm sahara.

i ate alot.

i went to tampines to get something for babygirls.

i went to kfc and saw elsa!!!

i went home and walked through bedok town park to straighten my hair.

i walked pass the place we used to sit down.

i saw a couple holding hands sitting down on one of the seats.

i saw the couple laughing and beating each other which reminds me so much of me and you together when we were sitting at the seats.

i went to the salon to straightened my hair.

i went home and bought oreo and yoghurt.

i went home and eat.

and eat.

and eat

some more.

everyday i miss you more than yesterday.

everyday i regret more than yesterday.

everyday my love for you deepens still.

now,

i am watching singapore idol.

goodnight.

6

2009-09-22T17:51:00.002+08:00

It's 5.51 p.m on a Tuesday afternoon,

and time flew so fast today...

i feel like i've just skipped school again.

this morning i woke up thinking it was a school holiday..

because when i took the bus nobody wearing school uniform was in it.

i got scared then i texted jaja when i walked to sch

and she didn't reply..

then as i walked to the traffic light i thought " hey isn't that... "

yeah it was her. standing and waiting for me outside jamiyah's home.

school as per usual today..

had assembly in class, then p.e..

oh and before i forgot.. i checked my weight during p.e and!!!!

i am 52.2 kg

omg, i lost 1.8 kg :)

that made me feel quite... happy :)

i didn't skip my meals or anything i ate alot like seriously alot i don't know why i still lost weight can you tell me why i lost weight because i don't really know? well whatever it is, thank god for it. i have to get thinner for the prom :)

had a heart to heart talk with mdm aishah during english class.

" bu yao ziang le, wo yao ku le ); "

only the girls know what im talking about..

didn't have bio lessons today because ms grace didn't come to sch or smeth i don't know

will be straightening my hair tomorrow, can't wait to have my straight hair back

wonder how it looks on me i have had curls for 9 months already and i got used with curls :/

i'm afraid, so so afraid that time is not going to be by my side. when i look at you i feel like holding you in my arms and never letting you go at all. everywhere i go, everything i do reminds me of you. i was so stupid to break that precious heart of yours.. now i'm wondering why, why i did not realise when i still got you. why i betrayed your trust when you had so much hope and trust on me. why i did not try to understand you when i had the chance to. why am i realising it now? after you left. people say you won't know what you got until you lost it. i never thought i'd be in this position, because all my life i told myself not to get into such a situation.

you told me to move on and find someone better.. i don't want to, i don't want to find smeone better. because your the person i want to be with. your the person i know is the best. it's hard to face you because i have hurt you so badly. i don't have the courage to talk to you because i feel like i'm not worth it. because i'm.. just afraid. if only you knew how much i regret what i did and how much i really want to show you that i'm not the girl you used to know..

i know i hurt your feelings by cursing everything you like to do. i don't want to be the girl who says thinks without thinking anymore, i don't want to be the girl who lets her feelings get the hold of her anymore. sometimes i follow my heart too much, i don't think before i say. why am i so stupid to just shoot my words and hurt you even more. if only you would come back, i'd think before i say anything, i'd never let my feelings get the hold of me, i'd never control you in anyway, not be angry when you talk to any other girl, not be angry when you play sports, instead i'd support you and let you play them sincerely. instead of saying you and your guitar is always together, i'd support you and let you play sincerely.

i know i am the worst gf you've got. i've failed to make you smile and happy with me. this is why i can't face you. i am trying but i guess i tried too hard. too hard until i lost you. if only you knew how much i regret and how much i want you back. it's never the same without you in my life. because it's you or nothing at all. sigh

today is day 6th.

2009-09-21T07:28:00.000+08:00

Day 5 :

I won't give up that easily.

selamat hari raya!

2009-09-20T07:52:00.005+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya!

maaf zahir dan batin :)

if i hurt anybody, i apologize. please forgive me because i really didn't mean to :D

and i apologize especially to md firdaus. i've hurt you in so many ways and i betrayed your trust. now that your gone, only then i realised what i've got. you're the world's best boyfriend and i misused the chance again. i'm sorry for what i have done. you have no idea how much i regret not taking care of your heart back then. i hope it's not too late yet. this time, i am going to prove to you that i will change. i will change this attitude of mine and not be the same girl you used to know. i'll wait for you, no matter how long it takes. i'll do anything just for you to come back. i'll still love you the same no matter what happens. i know i've said this to you a million times, but thi time i really seriously regret. i was impatient with everything and didn't give you any space on your own to think. when i think back what i did, i cried so hard because you gave me a chance, you showed me the meaning of love and i pushed it away. i pushed you away. i'm sorry for all the words i have said that hurt you, i am sorry for everything that hurts you. my attitude, the words i have said that made you brokenhearted.. i hope you would forgive me and let the past go. i knw it's not easy to do that and it takes time. it's okay, i'll wait.i'll be patient this time. i'll learn to be patient. i'm sorry i can't forgive you, because you never did anything wrong in the first place. i'm sorry, i'm really sorry. though this feeling of regret is eating me alive, it's okay, i'll wait for you. because i now know that my love for you is true.

i'm sorry.

desperate

2009-09-20T07:45:00.002+08:00

you have no idea how much i really regret hurting your heart. you have no idea how much i really hate myself for hurting you.you have no idea how much i really wanted to stab myself when i realise that everything ended was because of me all along.

i dont want the history to repeat itself anymore.

this time i really want to change, i really want to prove you wrong.

for all those times ive been controlling you and wanting to get your attention,

fuck me. what was i thinking. in this age, we should be enjoying not having the feeling of tied down.

you're laid back and i am impatient.

imma show you that i am patient, and i really really am gonna show you that i really meant my words.

i love you and i don't want anybody else in my life, i just want you.

because my hearts been telling me not to move on.

this time, i will fix this mess I have been creating

right nw, a huge mess.

i will take things slow, i will take everything at your speed.

i will win you back someday and make you fall in love with me again.

i wanna change for the better. i will do anything it takes for you to give me a chance once more.

i will and i must peservere and start everything from scratch.

i will pray to god all the time and pray to god befre i sleep that you will give me a chance.

i will move you and give me another chance.

i'll change my habits, i'll change how i think about things, i'll change how i controlled you, ill change everything. i am doing this all for you even if it takes everything.

i will wait and be there for you even if the sky falls down.

it's my mistake.

i want to repent and show you that i really meant it.

and i won't give up until you are mine once more :)

2009-09-19T08:11:00.004+08:00

it's 8:11 am on a gloomy saturday morning..

and that's how i feel right now,

gloomy.

last night i had a dream of you, texting me whether i was asleep yet. Then my phone rang and there was actually someone textin me " Are you asleep yet? " But i was half asleep then and didn't check who it was. The next morning i woke up, opened my eyes and eagerly searched for my phone. I checked there was a message but then it wasn't from you.. I guess dreams are really the opposite of reality.

Then i thought of it, why would you text me anyway? why would you ask whether i'm asleep?

Sigh,

I know everybody have experienced this before.. losing someone you love so much, losing someone you've already gotten used to. I know i'll get through this, i know i will.

But right now all i think about is you. I can't deny the fact that i miss you and that i think about you every single time.

You said you hoped i can move on, and that i will find someone so much better than me. I wanted to say " I don't want anybody else, i just want you. " But then i guess is he's happier without me, then i should just let him go. Because when he's happy, only then i have nothing to worry about.

Memories starts to flash back.. of how you used to hold my hand. how you kiss my forehead. the way you text me. the way you hug me from the back. the way you kiss me on my cheek. the way you kissed my hands. the way you look at me and say i love you. the way you make me smile with your jokes. the way you taught me with things you learn, such as cooking and everything else. the stories you share about everything with me. the way you support me and carried me up when i am down. the way you smile at me. the way you laugh with me. the times when you come over to my void deck almost everyday just to talk to me. when you come over and surprised me with food. when you would come over after your soccer/takraw games just to see me. when you would come over just to meet me, even if you can only stay with me for an hour because it was a thursday, 10 pm and there was school tomorrow. the times when we went to the swimming pool together. the times we had in the movies, where we would whisper to each other and laugh. the times we had to ourselves, and wished that time could have just stopped. the times we would go to the park and sit down, just to watch the moon and the stars together. the times we would sit down by the beach and lie down, counting and making up shapes with the stars. the way you say i love you so much! the way you feed me with food. the way you get angry when i refuse to eat. the way you say " B dgr ckp i plz. " the way you call me dear, baby, my love, syg. the way you say " u knw wat! i miss you so much!! " the first gift that you ever gave me, is the teddy bear that says " You are the joy of my heart, and the love of my life. " The every single days i sent you poems. The way you greet me Good morning my love! The way you look at me in class. The way you hug me when i cry so hard. The way you calmed me down and sat beside me when i cried because of other matters. The way you ask " Dear, what's wrong? What happened? " The way you ask me whether i have already eaten. The way you tell me you need me. The way you tell me you miss me. The text message you said " My love for you will never go down! " The text message you said " Don't leave me dear! B wit me and love me! I dont want anybody fucking guy to love you except your family and me! I'm selfish i know haha! " The way you pretend you were sad when i said " Oh, must sayang you ah? haha! " The way you slept in my arms. The times you slept on my lap and said " oh my god i fell asleep! " The times we would go all around bedok with your friends just to sit and talk. The times we would go to the movies with everybody. The times you told my friends " Eh mane minah tu, mintak kene cium! " The times you wait for me in sch just to send me home. The times we held hands all the way. The way you hold my hand so tight, like as if you were afraid to lose me. The times when you played the trick on me that you really wanted to leave me, and i was ready to let go when you said " Omg you are so ready to let go.. im so sad.. " The times we would walk around orchard. The times we would do just everything together..

I miss everything about you.

Most importantly, i miss the person itself, you.

If only i can stop time...

If only i can experience everything once more.

If only i still had you in my arms, i'll never let you go.

If only i still had you in my arms,

If only..

But it's all too late. you just don't feel the way you used to..

If only you know that i miss you so much..

sigh.

2009-09-18T21:19:00.000+08:00

p.s/

miss

you

much

...

Happy 16th birthday, Izwan

2009-09-18T20:53:00.003+08:00

Happy 16th Birthday, Izwan!

Here's a post to my friend Izwan..

Happy 16th Birthday yeah! Enjoy your day while it lasts. Friends of yours were really sweet to surprise you with cakes and presents.. and such. You don't like cakes but what the heck, just try eating em' all for just for you special day alright. May all your wishes and dreams come true. All the best in your life. Once again, Happy 16th Birthday Izwan :)

Well... it looks like everyone i know has turned 16. Fuck it, i have to wait just for mine to come. Well no actually, my birthday's on december. So anyway, Hari raya's coming. Won't be celebrating at all..

Yeah well whatever. To all of my muslim friends, Selamat Hari Raya :)

queer

2009-09-17T20:30:00.005+08:00

things never seem to get any... weirder. you know i feel so weird at times i don't even know what i'm doing. sometimes i feel so weird, i don't know what i'm saying.

such as... right now.

what the hell is up with me?

i'd so very much want to slap myself back to reality and get him out of my head fast.

i feel like throwing my phone away. i feel like changing my number, i feel like changing everything. namely from a to z.

dear god, can you tell me what is wrong?

give me the strength to move on. please.

...

today in school, we had this skratch team to come over to our school today to show us a little bit about RnB, Hiphop.. yeah you get it.

i wasn't really getting the whole idea because there was a guitar and i thought " Weren't you supposed to rap or something? " Then this guy came up and did his cover of RnB songs, with his guitar.

Acoustic guitar.

The moment i saw him held his guitar i was already saying

" God this is going to be awesome. "

We girls went " Aww... " " OMG! SO HANDSOME SIA! " " oh my god... " " aduhai.. "

yeah gotta admit i said the aduhai part because... i like guys who plays acoustic guitars, who plays and sings with so much soul. Makes me feel... speechless. In a good way, of course :)

And i just can't believe i ate yoghurt. And actually like liked it.

Oh and did i mention i got the question paper for N level art paper 2 already ohmygod i am starting to feel the stress already everywhere now it starts from my brain and then it stays until the dateline which is like 3 weeks from now and i have so many subjects to cope up with what are you thinking uh you people are crazy!

Sickening and ever so... problematic.

I hate school so much right now i just want to leave the school so badly and i am wishing that time will fly faster than ever but at the same time i don't want to because i'm not ready to leave what i have right now babygirls and school friends and the memories.

but i guess when it's time, it is really time.

when i guess things are meant to be this way, you just gotta force yourself to accept the fact and get used to it.

well duhhh i can't possibly repeat sec 4 right

that would be the most bullshit answer on earth

i'm getting wrried about me not being able to study this few days,

have been very distracted lately..

fuck it. seriously fuck it.

put it aside put it out the door and start concentrating on you n's stupid

nobodys going to wait for you

look i'm talking to myself again..

haha that was to remind myself...

whatever i havent had my sleep the whole day and

i'd very much like to drink my apple juice now.

have been drinking it every night.

must be addicted to it.

goodnight.

/edited @ 9.06 pm

Dad is forever watching his CSI shows on Star World and Ch 5. Star world has crime night and it shows CSI's shows for 4 times straight. If it's not CSI, it'd be numbers, if it isn't numbers it would be you guessed it, any detective-police-who-solves-every-case-and-talks-a-pararaph-just-to-say " I think i know who did it. " To makes matters worst he increased the darn volume of the tv until it is so freaking loud that is annoys the fuck out of me. URGH.

s i c k e n i n g.

it's okay steph, let it go.

Breathe in and out now..

Didn't work.

I have to get my sleep right now before i get anymore cranky.

Goodnight.