cause i'm running right behind you,

so i switched on my lappy as soon as i got home. i just needed to blog so badly. i just needed to feel better. ive tried laughing but my heart was still as heavy as it was before. i wasnt feeling right after the second paper started. i wasnt feeling... yeah your right, i wasnt feeling okay.

its a combination of negative feelings + negative thoughts. 

which somehow triggered something in me that makes me upset. 

more like very upset.

you know,

it just hurts so bad to find out someone you love just lied to you.

and whats worse, to find out the truth by yourself.

well this heartache would have ceased by now

if you were to tell me the truth yourself.

im not stupid, neither am i born yesterday 

everytime i walk home alone, i never fail to question myself. why this, why that. why am i feeling so negative about something, is it just me or is it just everything. maybe i should make myself accustomed to this, then maybe i would feel a little better. just a little. i'd want to share this, how i feel right now with someone i really need right now. but then again, maybe i shouldn't, afraid that he/she might be tired to even hear how i feel right now. and so i chose to write in this it-wont-say-anything-even-if-you-say-everything blog. 

i don't know. sometimes when i need someone to talk to, he just doesn't seem to be there. he just seem to be busy or tired. everybody knows how irritated they would feel if i were to tell this piece of shit to anybody who is tired. i just dont want to be a burden to anybody. i feel like i'm the only survivor right here and now. i just don't know what else i should do. im fucking restless and i feel like smacking everything that is in front of me. not to forget throwing it too. but on the other hand id rather sit down and just, well, stare into space.

i feel like there's nobody there for me anymore. whenevr i need this person so bad, he just happens to be somewhere else. it has been a week since i felt this way, and i thought it was just.. me. i've tried to shake off this off but it doesn't seem to work. everything is getting awry by the minute and i feel like giving up. its like i'm falling, but i'm not landing. its like i'm unable to grab anything in front of me to help me stand back up again. basically to say, i'm just upset.

that's not the only thing thats making me upset right now. some people just can't keep their fucking mouth shut when it comes to hating the other party. you report this to her, you report that to her, what you an informer or something? dont you fucking realize they're treating you like their very own dog? i am sure your not that immune to things around you till you don't even know how your friends are treating you. i pity you, my friend. seriously, i do.

well what more can i say. i would have complained, screamed, cursed, kicked and everything else if i could. im just not satisfied with anything right now. and i mean, everything. im getting a little bit tired now. from school, from life...

i. need. a. break.

maybe a bottle of 100 plus will calm me down. so dont worry, ill be fine.

( maybe. )

goodbye.