July 28, 2009

every other day like today

i hate my days in school
here i confess how i feel
how i feel when i get up so early in the morning
FML

especially when you are so looking forward to seeing your friends in school the next day
but you woke up on the wrong side of the bed
everything you do is a mistake, everything, then, starts to annoy the heck out of you
you go to school hoping that your day would be a little better
because theres friends and others that can cheer you up

then you happily made your way to school
only to get even more fucked up in school.
yeah so much for looking forward to it

i am so sick and tired of feeling upset and mad about the same old reasons over and over again.
so very sick of it to go through it and tolerate with it every minute during the lesson
sometimes it gets me so fed up, i'd start ignoring everybody
everybody including those who are not at fault
and i am terribly sorry for that.

It’s the simple things that you do really hurt my feelings
The more I try, the more I’m starting to see it
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe
I just don’t know what the problem is, what the deal is
Was I there too much, did I move too fast, I couldn’t see it?

sometimes i just feel like leaving problems to fate
leaving everything to fate
cos' theres no use mending it repeatedly when you know it's going to happen
whats the use of trying so hard and giving it your best, when the other party doesn't give their least effort
it takes two people to clap, two people to work it out.

i didn't look at the situation from this angle before
until someone really knocked sense into this head of mine
not just some sense, like literally i finally changed my view of everything
what she said made me think and realize how i've been acting all this while

made me feel like how i used to feel when i was independant a few years back
i wouldn't want to make people feel like i am dependant on them
because if that person leaves one day, i will be on my own.
leading my own life.
just me, myself, and i.
then i wouldn't be hurt as much as you are dependant.

looks like i have far so much to learn.
how to go about my own problems, and how i get it done and over with.
depending on someone, telling about someone your problems every single time is not going to work.
i want to solve my own problems, without having to burden any of my friends.
it's time to learn how to take my own problems myself.

i want to be happy in school.
i want to feel happy.
and not be grumpy the moment i step into the school.
not feel dissatisfied and all in stress mode the moment i step into the school.
i want to be carefree, just like the old times

i am already in stress mode because of the exams comin'
the prelims is not even finished
art is giving me a fucking headache
still not solved with my personal problems and my mdswings are here to make it worst
the last thing i need is another problem ANYBODY can give me
i swear i couldn't take it if another problem comes up
i'll just blow up.

i am currently in stress mode.
so please don't try pissing me off
i get pissed off at least once a day
i think i had enough of feeling that way already

am in no mood to blog any longer.
have a great day ahead.

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