why are you always doing this?

i don't understand this.
i don't understand why you have to avoid me when i have done nothing wrong.
why do you have to do this all the time, running away from a problem?

i don't even know what the problem is, in the first place!

why are you always doing this to me?
what is your motive of doing it?

is it supposed to make me realize my mistake? if thats so, then what mistake did i do this time?
is it supposed to make me love you even more? if thats so, then you know that i am already in love with you.
is it supposed to make me miss even more? if thats so, then you should know that i am missing you every minute.

just what is your motive of doing this?

always avoiding me and always trying so hard not to cross by and look and my direction?
what did i do to deserve this treatment from you?
it was nly two days ago, when we agreed to treat each other nicely.
then this is what happens?

what the hell is wrong with you?
what the hell is wrong with us?
why are you running away every single time,
from me, from us?
what is it that i have done to deserve this?

i cry when i am too worried about you.
i become sad mostly because of you.
i become happy mostly because of you.

everything i do, its because of you.

but by the way you react just now,
do you think i live anywhere in your life anymore?
in your heart anymore?
if thats the case then tell me the truth.
tell me that you don't love me, you don't need me in your life anymore.

why bother beat around the bush?
why avoid me?
why try so hard just not to see me?
why not just end it all here, and i promise you i'll go as far as you want me too.
i promise you won't even see me.
i promise you won't even know me anymore.
i promise you that you won't even remember me anymore.

is that what you want?
is what what you want?
is this what you need?
am i what you need?

i don't think so.
you don't need me, you don't love me, you don't care for me anymore.
if so, just tell me the truth.
i dont understand why you have to run away from the truth.
you look at me with such digust,

you're just not the you i was with the first month.
why did you change?
why are you changing every time we passed our special date?
why do you always assume?

even if you think i am angry,
then why are you ignoring me?
do you hell know that you ignoring me is making me feel even worst?
do you hell know that you ignoring me is making me feel as if you don't even fucking care?
don't you fucking know that when i am angry, i would at least expect you to ask me why?
because your presence makes me feel better.
because your presence makes me feel a whole lot lighter.

but you, assuming that i am angry when im actually not, and then ignoring me?
what is this?
this goes to show that you don't even know me. you don't even understand me.
knowing my favourite colour, and my favourite drink and food,
doesn't make you know me.
apparently, i am just someone you thought you knew in your life.

im fucking sick and tired.
even if you assumed i was angry, why won't you come over and ask why?
now that you assume i was angry, and then you left me all alone,
thinking i dont give a fuck about you, when i actually was waiting for you to explain everything to me,
you just took the bus and left.

now how the fuck should i feel right now?
is it my fault?
is it my fault that you assume i was angry?
now you tell me i show that don't care face.
now you tell me i show that i don't care attitude.

now you know how i feel?
when we are fighting and you, you just ignore me and just laugh with your friends
doesn't that show that you don't care too?

i only did it once, and you already talking about it as if i've been doing it all the time,
you do it all the time, and i don't even fucking mention it.

and you do all this, and you expect me to come and talk to you first?
what in the world.
just where have i gone wrong?
you didn't text me, you assumed that i was angry, then you show your attitude, then i really got angry, then when i expect you to talk to me at the bustop,
you just took the bus and left.

after what you did,
you expected me to come and talk to you?
why? because you are not in a good mood today?
what the hell.

i don't know what the hell just went into your head.
i don't know who changed you, or what changed you
i don't even wanna freaking know.

all i know is im jus fucking disappointed in you.
for doing this to me.
for not understanding me.
for not treating me right.

you know i've always loved you and i never asked for anything in return except for your love and care towards me.
but are you even showing it to me now?
are you?
search your feelings
i doubt so.
i doubt everythin about you
i even doubt about your love for me right now

i guess everything just can't be answered or solved.

am i just not too pretty enough for you?
am i just not too girly enough for you?
am i just not PERFECT enough for you?

i'm sorry, but this is me.
this is the way i am, and that is how i am going to stay.
i have already experienced you leaving me after 8 months,
and i have been flying solo for a year and 9 months,
before you came back into my life again.

because i thought we were meant to be.
because i thought you were going to treat me right this time.
because i thought you were really serious about me this time.
because i thought you would not do anything to hurt me anymore.
because i thought god has given another chance for me to realize my mistakes, and learn from them.

i don't understand why i deserve this.
i jus don't understand...
maybe it's you that i don't understand.

sigh

who is in the wrong now?

is it me? or is it you?
if you were not going to reply to my text messages, i really don't know what else to say.