July 8, 2009


why do i feel this way?
this feeling engulfs me inside out no matter how hard i tried to ignore it 
no matter how hard i tried to let it all go 
but somehow i feel that something's happening 
something happening that i dont know of...
im not the type of person who hides my emotion,
i got em' i show em'
when im angry, everybody knows it 
when im sad, everybody knows 

but nobody really knew how i felt these few days 
it's like the feeling of insecurity, afraid to see something happen 
afraid to go through the same shit all over again
people ask me, whats wrong, what happened
i made up all sorts of excuses to avoid any misunderstandings
but do you really believe in all of those?
from being tired, to not having enough sleep, and having moodswings

well to tell you
all of that was bullshit 
you never really knew, that how insecure i felt right there and then, 
was because of you 

this has to stop sooner or later
otherwise i won't know how i will react towards this bullshit issue
some people have certain level of being patient 
they say breathe and let it all go 
but how to, when it happens everyday 
how to, when you have to go through the same shit each and every day 

you want to make things right,
you want things to go back to normal,
but how to, when your own heart hinders you from doing so?
how do you forget about things, when you are still feeling insecure 
somethings just not right 

ah another paranoid post on a wednesday afternoon,
people who reads my blog never knew who i blogged about,
for example, what i just typed earlier on.
i can't tell this to anybody, no not anybody
so perhaps saveushere is a good choice 

i never really expected that much from you 
but i expected you to know my feelings 
how i'd feel if you went with someone else and just forget about me
how i'd feel if you didn't wait for me if i waited for you 
how i'd feel when you always go with someone else and back to me when that someone is not there anymore 

and when that particular someones there you treat me as if im invisible 
when that particular someones there you tend to forget me
when that particular someones there you tend to leave me behind 

now how would you feel,
if you were in the same shoes as me?
im sure you dont want to feel this way,
im sure everybody doesnt

and if that person is never there for you anymore, would you come searching for me?
searching for me and telling me how much you missed me, how much you missed the old times?

...

well i would have left you, and your precious friend alone by then.

i was there for you when you needed me. i was there for you when you needed someone to talk to. i was there for you, to be a listening ear, to give you advices, but where were you when i needed you to be my listening ear? where were you?

you make me feel god damn insecure,
that everytime i see you in the same room i tend to think about things 
things that probably must have happen when i'm not around 
things that people are not telling me 

...

tomorrow is going to be another bullshit day when things i dont want to happen,
happens.
tomorrow is going to be another bitchfuck day when things i expected to happen,
will not happen.
tomorrow i going to be another fucked up day when things i prayed and hoped not to happen, 
happens.

all i ask for is a day without me, feeling like the world is going to end soon 
all i ask for is a day with out me, feeling so god damn insecure about things 
all i ask for is day when i can put up a smile, sincerely to everybody,
and not only to certain people 
all i ask for is for this crapshit to end as soon as it can.

now is that too much to ask for?
i guess it is.

must be paranoid about things.

and if you are thinking whether this is just another post after i fought with the boy, well you are so so wrong.

to those motherfuckers out there to has nothing better to do but to copy me
ha, go on copying because..

there will never be another me.

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