it's 8:11 am on a gloomy saturday morning..

and that's how i feel right now,

gloomy.

last night i had a dream of you, texting me whether i was asleep yet. Then my phone rang and there was actually someone textin me " Are you asleep yet? " But i was half asleep then and didn't check who it was. The next morning i woke up, opened my eyes and eagerly searched for my phone. I checked there was a message but then it wasn't from you.. I guess dreams are really the opposite of reality.

Then i thought of it, why would you text me anyway? why would you ask whether i'm asleep?

Sigh,

I know everybody have experienced this before.. losing someone you love so much, losing someone you've already gotten used to. I know i'll get through this, i know i will.

But right now all i think about is you. I can't deny the fact that i miss you and that i think about you every single time.

You said you hoped i can move on, and that i will find someone so much better than me. I wanted to say " I don't want anybody else, i just want you. " But then i guess is he's happier without me, then i should just let him go. Because when he's happy, only then i have nothing to worry about.

Memories starts to flash back.. of how you used to hold my hand. how you kiss my forehead. the way you text me. the way you hug me from the back. the way you kiss me on my cheek. the way you kissed my hands. the way you look at me and say i love you. the way you make me smile with your jokes. the way you taught me with things you learn, such as cooking and everything else. the stories you share about everything with me. the way you support me and carried me up when i am down. the way you smile at me. the way you laugh with me. the times when you come over to my void deck almost everyday just to talk to me. when you come over and surprised me with food. when you would come over after your soccer/takraw games just to see me. when you would come over just to meet me, even if you can only stay with me for an hour because it was a thursday, 10 pm and there was school tomorrow. the times when we went to the swimming pool together. the times we had in the movies, where we would whisper to each other and laugh. the times we had to ourselves, and wished that time could have just stopped. the times we would go to the park and sit down, just to watch the moon and the stars together. the times we would sit down by the beach and lie down, counting and making up shapes with the stars. the way you say i love you so much! the way you feed me with food. the way you get angry when i refuse to eat. the way you say " B dgr ckp i plz. " the way you call me dear, baby, my love, syg. the way you say " u knw wat! i miss you so much!! " the first gift that you ever gave me, is the teddy bear that says " You are the joy of my heart, and the love of my life. " The every single days i sent you poems. The way you greet me Good morning my love! The way you look at me in class. The way you hug me when i cry so hard. The way you calmed me down and sat beside me when i cried because of other matters. The way you ask " Dear, what's wrong? What happened? " The way you ask me whether i have already eaten. The way you tell me you need me. The way you tell me you miss me. The text message you said " My love for you will never go down! " The text message you said " Don't leave me dear! B wit me and love me! I dont want anybody fucking guy to love you except your family and me! I'm selfish i know haha! " The way you pretend you were sad when i said " Oh, must sayang you ah? haha! " The way you slept in my arms. The times you slept on my lap and said " oh my god i fell asleep! " The times we would go all around bedok with your friends just to sit and talk. The times we would go to the movies with everybody. The times you told my friends " Eh mane minah tu, mintak kene cium! " The times you wait for me in sch just to send me home. The times we held hands all the way. The way you hold my hand so tight, like as if you were afraid to lose me. The times when you played the trick on me that you really wanted to leave me, and i was ready to let go when you said " Omg you are so ready to let go.. im so sad.. " The times we would walk around orchard. The times we would do just everything together..

I miss everything about you.

Most importantly, i miss the person itself, you.

If only i can stop time...

If only i can experience everything once more.

If only i still had you in my arms, i'll never let you go.

If only i still had you in my arms,

If only..

But it's all too late. you just don't feel the way you used to..

If only you know that i miss you so much..

sigh.